


Kiss Your Wounds

by yesbocchan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Choking, Clothed Sex, Cuddling, Draco Malfoy Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Drinking, Fluff, Frotting, Games, Harry Potter Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Harry is a mess of feels, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Kissing, M/M, Oblivious Harry, People punching each other, Pinning Draco, Pinning Harry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ron Weasley Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Smut, Spin the Bottle, Swearing, Triggers, Violence, all the fucking time, flangst, handjobs, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 14:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yesbocchan/pseuds/yesbocchan
Summary: The Eighth years decide to play a nice game of Spin the Bottle, except, instead of kissing, you have to fight. No wonder things go terribly wrong.





	Kiss Your Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY PENNI OOOOOH  
> I'm sorry I'm so late, I hope you like this <3  
> Based on this post: https://goo.gl/BtkPNf

'No, I'm not doing it. And neither are you, Ronald!'  
She closed the huge book with more strength than necessary, making students jump all around them. Harry could feel Madame Pince's frown burning holes on the back of his skull and guessed Ron felt the same way given he was miserably trying to shrink himself on his chair.  
'There won't be snog sections!' He whispered quickly, forcibly bringing their heads together. 'We'll fight instead. Direct combat' Ron smiled widely, ignoring Hermione’s confused expression.  
'This is ridiculous. Who would play spin the bottle to get punched in the face?!'  
'I'd love to break Zabini's nose' Ron cracked his knuckles, grinning at Harry momentarily before Hermione slapped him in the head.  
'This is pointless'  
'Harry?' Ron eyed him, expectantly.  
'I'm in' Harry shrugged, standing up and packing his things as fast as he could. He didn't trust himself to remain composed and not give away how nervous he felt. He had no wish to punch other students in the face, though he'd gladly punch himself at any given opportunity. He hadn't socialized since the beginning of term, avoiding his classmates as best as he could, specially those who seemed to think he truly was their Savior.  
And that should be the only reason why he wasn't avoiding Malfoy. Problem was, Malfoy wasn't picking on him anymore, trying nonstop to get on his nerves like he had always done.  
Malfoy was polite now, controlled.  
Driving Harry insane.  
He couldn't even bear to stand in the same room as Malfoy without feeling something itch under his skin. He didn't want the boy to hate him, he didn't want the boy to praise him. Harry had no idea what he wanted so maybe being able to fight against his ex-arch enemy again would provide an answer to his internal conflicts.  
That was why when night time came, all eight years gathered in their new common room, Harry tried to breath and smile. People were excited to be there, two bottles of Firewhiskey and some butterbeers passing around as everyone tried to get comfortable in a large circle, all of them sitting at various sized cushions that had been transfigured for the occasion. Harry found himself a seat between Ron and Luna, checking who was there and taking mental notes on those he wouldn't mind getting into a fight with. He could go against most Slytherins though he'd avoid at any cost getting in a direct combat with Parkinson. Her bright red, worryingly long nails could be seen from the other side of the room. Harry gulped, turning his eyes away and meeting icy blue ones.  
If Malfoy was as bothered as Harry, he didn't let it show. With an impassive expression, controlled movements, he sat himself between Nott and Parkinson, opposite Harry at the other side of the room. From there, he nodded curtly at him, immediately engaging in a conversation with Nott like Harry was just another acquaintance he had the social obligation of greeting. Harry's palms were sweaty just from the idea of bruising his aristocratic jaw.  
'Harry' Luna's voice reached him, bringing him back to the scenario around them. The room was crowded now and Dean was the only one at the center of the circle placing an empty Firewhiskey bottle on the floor with way more precision than necessary. Most students positioned themselves on spare couches outside the circle, clearly choosing not to play. The ones who would seemed either excited or nervous, with the exception of bloody Malfoy, and Luna, who Harry would've guessed didn't even know where she was getting herself into.  
'Okay, everyone' Dean clapped his hands together, a maniac smile on his face. 'I'm guessing all of you already know what this is about because news fly faster than gossip here - and that's something' he winked at Ginny, who gave him the finger without hesitation. Harry laughed with the rest of them, a bit of the tension leaving his shoulders. She smiled softly at him, wrapping a comfortable arm around Luna.  
He couldn't be more thankful about his current situation with Ginny. They'd broken up before the beginning of term at the Burrow, Harry spending most of his time there trying to gather the courage and the right words to tell her he couldn't go on with what they had. At the end, he didn't even had to say anything because Ginny knew, and even though she clearly loved him, she didn't expect Harry to have the emotional stability for a relationship at the moment.  
'Still, I'll explain what we're doing here as quickly as possible' Dean went on.  
'This, my dear fellows, is an empty bottle'  
Some laughed, others rolled their eyes. Seamus pulled him down by the hand, taking his place and Dean just giggled, the blush in his cheeks clearly not only created by the alcohol in his system.  
'So, spin the bottle' Seamus continued, taking in a more serious tone. 'Except no kissing, just fighting. Rules are: no wands, no teeth. If the spell detects any violation of terms both participants will be immediately eliminated'  
The room went quiet. Seamus looked around checking if someone was going to give up after that but, despite the fidgeting, no one got up from their seats. Harry's eyes darted to Malfoy before he could stop himself but the other was busy picking on a loosen wool on the cushion beneath him. He seemed bored and that was enough to make something coil in Harry's stomach. Somewhere, deep in his mind, he almost wished Malfoy would go back to normal just so Harry could have a reason to pay attention to him again.  
'So, let's start. Anyone would like to go first?'  
Harry saw from his peripheral vision a pale hand shooting up and froze in place immediately. Gasps were heard all around him as people realized who it was.  
'Luna' Ginny placed a possessive hand on the girl's shoulder, shaking her slightly like she expected the blond to wake up from a dream.  
'It'll be fun!'  
'Luna, I don't think-' Hermione started from a corner but the Ravenclaw was already crawling her way towards the bottle.  
Harry could sense some of the people around him holding their breath the moment Luna's hand reached the bottle, making it spin without hesitation.  
All of sudden it felt like they were trapped in the game. Harry couldn't see anything but it was almost as if invisible ropes had grown from the ground beneath him and were now holding all of them in place. The moment it stopped, the head pointing towards Lavender across the room, Harry felt the weird constriction ease around his arms. Lavender, however, didn't seem as relieved.  
'Oh no' she whispered, eyes glued to Luna who absentmindedly fixed her hair in a loose ponytail.  
Lavender got up, clearly dreading her decision to take part in all of that, and marched into the center of the circle. No one dared to speak, half the students following Luna's movements and the other half watching Lavender. They positioned themselves opposite each other in a strange, yet familiar, arrangement. The lack of wands changed the meaning of the situation, almost creating the illusion that that was a pacific interaction, save the way Lavender's eyes gleamed with something else.  
Anticipation, Harry thought, and hoped he was wrong. Seamus cleared his throat and straightened his back before speaking.  
'You have two minutes. When I say go'  
The number appeared instantly above their heads, reminding Harry of holographic projections. The big two was bright red and intimidating enough that Lavender couldn't tear her eyes away from it for a moment, in complete terror.  
'Go' Dean blurted out. And the first punch was given before people could even remember to look back down. Luna's fist landed precisely on Lavender's sternum sending the girl flying back into the carpet, breathless. Gasps of shock filled the room but none of it seemed to be able to reach the opponents anymore. In her eyes Harry saw a beast, ready to attack.  
It happened too quickly for anyone to understand when had she gotten up, all they knew was that, in the next moment, Lavender was on top of Luna, smashing her jaw with a clenched fist.  
Beside him, Ginny trembled with rage, the force of the spell that had been cast in the game stopping any of them from interfering. Harry himself could feel his knees glued to the ground and arms too heavy for him to lift his own wand giving his clear intention, which the spell was smart enough to detect.  
It was no secret what had happened to Lavender during the final battle. The bite mark, an ugly scar that covered all of her deformed left shoulder was the permanent reminder no one needed that Greyback had marked her like one of his own, his last victim. Later on that night, accompanied by the other thousand students mutilated and unconscious, Lavender was sent to St. Mungos to receive the maximum help she could get, the image of the blood covering her chewed wound too shocking to be erased from their memories.  
Luckily, the healers were able to prevent her from getting the full of effect of the transformation. Still, the way she looked at Luna right that moment was reason enough to be worried of what Lavender was capable of.  
'One minute' Dean muttered, eyes never leaving the two of them.  
Beneath her attacker, Luna managed to lift her knee with enough strength to hit the other on the stomach. Lavender gasped, losing her balance and giving enough time for Luna to land a fist in the middle of her face.  
A loud crack echoed in the room and Harry flinched. Some of his classmates were clearly starting to question if all for that was really worth it when an alarm went off and both girls were gently pushed away from each other by the spell.  
'Holy fuck' Ron whispered beside Harry, mouth hanging slightly open. Lavender's nose was still dripping blood on the carpet when she got up, walking towards Luna to give her a hand. Luna smiled gently at her, a red bruise already evident on her jaw. The whole situation couldn't get more bizarre, Harry thought before Luna pointed her wand at Lavender's face and fixed her nose with a well-cast spell. The girl shivered but thanked her nonetheless, hugging Luna briefly and only then returning to her spot in the circle. A moment of awkward silence went by until Seamus got up again to talk.  
'Okay so… anyone wanna get out? I'm not sure if-'  
'That was exhilarating' Luna giggled, smiling at Ginny while the girl tried to heal her bruise. Ginny opened her mouth to retort but thought better of it, pursuing her lips in a thin line instead. 'Really, you guys won't regret it' Luna said, looking at Lavender and smiling again.  
Lavender stared back at her and then, all of a sudden, bursted out laughing.  
'It wasn't that bad, I guess' she finally said, accepting a napkin from Parvati to clean up the blood from her face.  
Seamus seemed unsure for a moment, looking around as if to make sure no one wanted to quit but, even though some students looked even more nervous than before, everyone stayed where they were.  
Harry eyed Hermione on the corner of the room, a book in hand that she was no longer paying attention to and a worried expression evident on her face. Brown eyes met green and she just shook her hand, indicating that it wasn't a good idea. Harry understood what she meant, even felt some of her concern but he just couldn't back down now.  
He looked at Malfoy again.  
He wasn't laughing, he wasn't fidgeting. The Slytherin seemed completely out of the game, almost as if he was just sitting between his friends to watch other people fight.  
No, Harry couldn't even say that it was that. Quietly, he studied the carpet beneath him, the tapestry on the walls, the dawn bathing the room through the windows. Pansy whispered something in his ear, making Malfoy jump a bit in his seat before coldly backing away from her. Harry noticed the way he shook his head when the girl pointed at the bottle and suddenly it hit him.  
Malfoy didn't want to play. He didn't want to fight people.  
That was ridiculous, Harry thought, anger starting to boil inside him. Malfoy would never refuse the opportunity to hurt someone, especially if he wouldn't be punished for it later. Harry turned to Ron to tell him something was wrong but found his friend's sit empty.  
Harry felt something cold settle on his stomach the moment he spotted Ron crawling towards the bottle. No one else seemed to be that bothered; on the contrary: they were excited for it. Harry looked back, searching for Hermione again and finding the girl on her feet, the book landing on the floor in front of her.  
Harry could see she wanted to step in but couldn't, the force of the spell too strong to allow her intervention. She shook her head vehemently, silently telling Harry to do something like the spell wasn't working on him to. The moment Harry felt the urge to get up and grab Ron, however, it was like his body weighed a thousand pounds. He struggled in silence, knowing he could just get up to leave but never stop other people from playing. Even though, rationally, Harry knew Ron wasn't in real danger, he couldn't shake off the feeling that something bad was about to happen.  
As Ron placed his hand on top of the bottle and spinned it, the room went quiet again. Harry's eyes searched for Malfoy's without even knowing why and, for the first time since the beginning of the game, they met. For a second, Harry saw something, something he'd seen in the past, that day they met in the girl's bathroom in sixth year.  
Harry saw fear. And then it was gone, replaced by a mask of indifference.  
Until they widened again when the bottle stopped spinning.  
'Well, I was hoping it'd be Zabini' Ron said, taking off his jumper as he got up. 'But I guess Malfoy's fine too'  
Harry's head was pumping with adrenaline. It was wrong, it was all wrong. Malfoy's eyes landed on him again for a brief moment before he brought back his bored expression. Around him Pansy and Zabini laughed and replied Ron with snarky comments while other Gryffindor's sent encouragements Ron's way. Harry couldn't hear anything properly, his mind going in circles with the sudden need to protect.  
'Have you heard about triggers, Harry?' the memory of Hermione sitting by his side one morning at the Burrow as they took care of Mrs. Weasley's garden assaulted him. 'Maybe it'd help if you started paying attention to things that make you... remember the war' her voiced echoed in his head. 'Just so you can avoid going through situations that can possibly bring all of those feelings back'.  
It was a mistake. Hermione was right, it was a huge mistake.  
Harry's heart beat increased by the second, sweat gathering at his nape as he tried to focus. There was no real danger, he forced the words around his head, desperately. He wished he could just get out of there but he couldn't leave Ron.  
Ron. If Harry was traumatized by everything he went through, Ron certainly was too. Hermione had been trying to tell them, that they needed to talk about their feelings and all they did was dismiss her.  
Harry fought the urge to look at her right then, guilt consuming him from the inside.  
In front of him, Ron and Malfoy took their places opposite each other. Ron looked determined, fists clenched by his sides. Malfoy stood still, head millimeters above Ron's giving him a confident posture.  
By his sides, Harry could see his fingers shaking.  
If Harry had triggers, Malfoy had them too, he realized the moment the clock appeared once again above their heads.  
'Remember: no wands, no biting'  
Dean pointed his wand at the clock, starting the counting.  
'Don't worry, I would never get my mouth close to something so filthy' Malfoy spoke, the words rolling out his tongue despite his tensed pose.  
1:57. Ron launched himself forward, the impact bringing them both to the ground. The students cheered, the atmosphere changing from the previous fight. Harry felt like all the air was sucked from his lungs as he tried to lift his hand.  
1:49. Ron landed the first punch, Malfoy's face being forced to the side. His eyes were closed when he hit back, getting Ron's shoulder and earning a low groan from him.  
Malfoy only had time to breath in before Ron landed another punch, this one landing exactly on Malfoy's right eye, making his head hit the floor beneath him with a horrible sound.  
1:26. Malfoy's eyes were still open, unfocused as he let his head drop to the side once again, mouth hanging open.  
A thin line of blood rolled from his bottom lip, the skin torn open from Ron's first punch. He was breathing heavily, one of his hands clinging to Ron's shirt, hopelessly trying to push the other away.  
'I'm tired of your shit, you death eater scum' Ron panted on top of Malfoy, eyes filled with rage and disgust.  
'Fuck you' Malfoy spit blood on Ron's face, desperately trying to get away from his grip.  
0:46. The room was silent, all laugher and cheers dying on people's throats. Harry hold the front of his shirt, his wand now almost reachable. From his peripheral vision he could see Hermione running out of the room and guessed she'd bring a professor with her when she came back.  
The second the portrait door closed behind her, someone screamed.  
0:31. Ron's hands enveloped Malfoy's throat, closing around it almost in slow motion. Malfoy's eyes widened in despair, his hands going immediately to scratch Ron's. All around him, people tried to do something, but the spell chained them to their seats.  
Malfoy eyes filled with tears as he gasped for air, face redder than Harry had ever seen it.  
0:17. He was dying. Harry's mind was cracking. The chandelier above their hands trembled and half a dozen pair of eyes darted up to see what was causing that. And then went back down to stare at Harry in confusion and fear. He could feel his magic seeping through his pores.  
That was when Ron went flying across the room, hitting one of the walls with such force he was instantly knocked out.  
0:05. Malfoy's eyes met Harry's, showing everything.  
Until they rolled on their sockets and Malfoy fell unconscious too.

 

***

 

Harry was right. Hermione had gone looking for McGonagall but by the time the headmistress found them Ron and Malfoy were nowhere to be seen. Ron had woken up minutes after being thrown away by Harry's wandless magic and refused to go to the nursery but Malfoy was still unconscious when Parkinson and Zabini levitated him to his bedroom.  
'It won't be good for him if the headmistress finds out, trust me' Zabini said, darkly, when Harry got on their way and told them he should see Madame Pomfrey.  
When he found Ron, later that night sitting on his bed and staring at the ground, Harry didn't know what to do.  
He felt disappointed and helpless and wished he could just seat by Ron's side and tell him everything was going to be okay.  
It really wasn't, and neither him nor Hermione could say that.  
'I lost control' Ron whispered, staring down at his own hands.  
'You could have killed him. You almost did' Harry replied against his better judgement. He didn't know why exactly he was so angry. He could lie to himself and say that it was because it wouldn't be right for Ron to kill someone, even if the person was an ex-Death eater; that they were better than that.  
Just the thought of spitting something like that made him want to throw up. The image of Malfoy staring at him right before passing out, his eyes filled with despair, his whole body shaking with fear of a danger he never thought he'd have to face again in his life, burned inside Harry's eyelids.  
Ron had been Malfoy's trigger that night and Harry hadn't done anything to prevent that from happening.  
The worst was that Harry couldn't understand why that bothered him so much.  
'It was a mistake. Hermione was right' Harry muttered.  
Ron shrugged, scratching the back of his head.  
'It went okay with Luna and Lavender' He said, lying in his bed and staring at the ceiling.  
'They don't have a past' Harry said, taking off his shoes and laying on his own, opposite Ron's. He was still pissed at him but was too tired to go back to the common room.  
'Fuck the past. He's still a prick. You would love to beat him up too'  
'No, I wouldn't'  
Harry didn't hesitate in answering, turning suddenly to stare at Ron. His stomach turned with revulsion. Ron gaped at him, something in his expression telling Harry he'd made a mistake.  
'Harry… you wouldn't want to punch Malfoy?' Ron asked, carefully.  
And then Harry realized what Ron meant.  
Malfoy was supposed to be his enemy at school, the one he always fought against. That was how they'd always been. In the past Harry wouldn't miss a chance to fight Malfoy. To kill Malfoy. That is, until Sectumsempra.  
'No' he said, turning his back to Ron. He was feeling nauseated now.  
'Hermione said…' Ron started, choosing his words 'She said you were uneasy about Malfoy's behavior lately'  
Harry didn't answer. He should have known Hermione would have notice, even if not even himself knew what it was that was bothering him so much.  
Ron sighed.  
'I think you two should talk'  
That took Harry by surprise.  
'I wasn't the one who almost killed him!' he replied, louder than necessary.  
'But you're the only one who cares!'  
Harry got up from his bed, taking a step towards Ron and stopping suddenly. Ron was still staring fixedly at the ceiling, not even afraid Harry would jinx him.  
Harry just turned on his heels, heading for the door before anger took the better of him. Ron didn't try to stop him.

 

***

 

'I won't stand up for him, just so you know' Hermione sat beside him, turning her whole body so she could face Harry. 'What he did was horrible and if you hadn't-'  
'How long have you known?' Harry cut her mid-sentence.  
'Known what?' She asked, confused.  
'About me. Feeling… uneasy'.  
Harry didn't look at her but felt the girl moving on the couch. A couple of minutes went by before she spoke again.  
'Do you mean in general, or towards Malfoy?'  
Harry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying not to get up and leave immediately to hide somewhere. Maybe uneasy wasn't the best word to describe how he felt towards everything at the moment.  
'Malfoy'  
Hermione grabbed the closest pillow and hugged it for lack of a better thing to do. She looked at him before calmly speaking.  
'After that time he greeted you in the great hall and you continued to frown at him throughout breakfast'  
Harry didn't have to look to know that Hermione had rolled her eyes while saying that. He felt his cheeks blushing, the mere thought of letting his emotions show so easily even though he still didn't understand what those reactions meant was frustrating enough. Having Hermione basically tell him she could read him like a child's book was too much.  
Harry tried to get up but she was quick enough, pulling him down by his sleeve.  
'Harry, please. I'm trying to help you!'  
'How? By telling me everyone knows how I feel, except myself?!'  
Harry had managed to escape her grip and was now standing up in front of her. He was breathing fast, frustrated that his two best friends couldn't see how lost he felt.  
'You're very good at saving people, Harry'  
He stood there, trying to control his breathing. Hermione looked down at her hands, smiling absentmindedly.  
'And at Defense Against the Dark Arts. You're a natural at those things, you know. But-'  
The common room was empty now, most students either at the Great Hall having dinner or somewhere else enjoying the warm night.  
'You're so oblivious'  
Harry stared at her, gaping.  
'What?'  
'It hurts to say this but… you're worse than Ron!'  
She shook her head, clearly disappointed.  
Harry just stood there, looking at her even more confused than before, until Hermione got up and headed for the portrait.  
'Go talk to him. To Malfoy'  
And she was gone before Harry could even ask her what was it that he was missing.

 

***

 

It was past midnight, for sure. Maybe two am, Harry wondered. He couldn't tell, his mind still dizzy from taking short naps in between old nightmares.  
Harry moved in the dark, pushing the blankets away as he tried to get up without waking his roommates. The moment the door closed behind him, Harry let out a long breath.  
The faint light of a forgotten fire still illuminating the eight year common room reached the last steps of the staircase, allowing Harry to notice someone was there before he himself got into the room.  
Harry froze in place when the other student moved in front of the fire, the flames highlighting his blond hair.  
Malfoy's jaw was even worst than earlier. From that angle, Harry could see how injured the skin was, the red mark contrasting with his pale complex.  
Harry stepped in, Malfoy looked to the side.  
And Harry stopped shortly.  
His jaw was nothing compared to his right eye. Not that Harry could see it, the bruise so swollen and inflamed Malfoy couldn't keep the eyelid open. He noticed a small cut beneath it, right on his cheek bone. He couldn't imagine how hard Ron must have punched him for it to tear the skin open like that.  
Malfoy turned his face away, clearly frustrated Harry had found him and that was when Harry noticed a spell book on the ground, right beside his wand.  
'Leave' Malfoy said, harshly, still not looking at him. Harry took a step forward, a sudden urge to take a closer look at his face overcoming his instinct of self preservation. Malfoy didn't move, but Harry could see his fingers itching closer to his wand.  
Harry stopped beside the couch Malfoy was sitting on.  
'You didn't want to play the game' his voice sounded too different to his own ears. He sounded hurt. He felt betrayed.  
Malfoy kept staring forward at the fire.  
'I did'  
The old Malfoy was somewhere there, beneath his clear struggle to keep being polite. Harry hated it.  
'Liar' It burned his throat to say it, Malfoy's bruises a clear reminder of why Harry felt so guilty.  
It worked, though. Malfoy finally looked at him, standing up with wand in hand. He was shaking, either from fear or anger. Or both.  
'I had too' he said through gritted teeth never breaking eye contact.  
Harry wished he could touch his face.  
He was going insane.  
'Why? You knew what that would do to you. Do you enjoy suffering?'  
Harry's blood was boiling now, his hands shaking beside him. He wanted to understand, he needed to understand why Malfoy acting like that affected him so much.  
'Do you, Potter?' Malfoy stuck his wand painfully in Harry's throat and Harry realized they were barely a foot apart. 'Or did you fear your classmates would find out you're a wrecked product of the war that can't even deal with some casual game without remembering how many people tortured you at your own home?!'  
Hot tears rolled down his deformed face as words ran over each other on his tongue.  
'Oh no, Harry Potter has no fears. The only scar Harry Potter has is his trophy! You wouldn't know what it is to have more than twenty Death Eaters mark your skin with filthy words because you betrayed the Dark Lord and let the Chosen One escape, would you?'  
His hand trembled, wand still placed beneath Harry's jaw. Harry couldn't think, his eyes fixed on Draco's throat, the purple bruises made by Ron's fingers only now visible to him.  
'Well, fuck you' he spit the words.  
Harry wanted to scream. That wasn't true, that couldn't be true.  
Except, somehow, he knew Malfoy wasn't lying this time. His knuckles were white from gripping at his wand, eyes filled with hot tears, a shameful show of emotions Harry was sure the words were being ripped off of him without his rational consent.  
Still, it was too much.  
To suddenly realize he hadn't even thought about what would happen to Malfoy after they escaped. To realize all those people found out Draco knew it was Harry and he had to stay there.  
He had nowhere to go.  
And now he had to look Harry in the face everyday and pretend he was thankful for everything because that was what people expected of him.  
Harry couldn't think.  
He lifted his hand in a smooth motion and grabbed Malfoy's wand, forcing it to the side until it was no longer almost perforating his throat. He pushed Malfoy slowly but steadily towards the sofa, the boy struggling to stay where they were, a shocked expression replacing his previous one.  
'What do you think you're doing, you fucked-'  
Harry forced Malfoy to sit down, hands gripping at his shoulders, and forcibly sat in front of him.  
Malfoy punched Harry in the cheek, breathing heavily between sobs.  
It stung but Harry didn't care. He didn't care if what he was doing made any sense, he only knew that was what he wanted to do.  
He pointed his wand at Malfoy's jaw and the other stopped struggling for a moment.  
'Episkey'  
Malfoy gasped, his face twisted in pain for a moment before flicking back to that of confusion. Harry didn't waste any time, moving his wand to Malfoy's eye.  
'Episkey' he repeated, this time earning a loan groan from the other before he pushed Harry's hand away, his bruised eye opening as the swell eased.  
'Stop! Don't… touch me-' he punched Harry again, this time making Harry's wand fly from his hand.  
Harry couldn't think. He didn't care.  
So when Malfoy pushed him away Harry just threw himself on top of him, wrapping his arms around his torso and smashing the Slytherin against him.  
'You… fucker...' he kicked, and pushed, and punched every part of Harry he could reach. And Harry groaned in pain, closed his eyes tightly and stood firmly where he was. He had no idea what he was doing, he just wished time would stop so he could think without Malfoy storming away.  
Harry couldn't leave without talking to him and, even though Malfoy clearly didn't want to, Harry still hoped he would eventually give up hitting him. They stood like that in a silent struggle for longer than Harry expected until it finally happened.  
Malfoy stopped fighting back, stopped resisting. Harry still had his eyes closed when he heard an intake of air interrupted by a soft sob. And then a louder one. He felt tears behind his own eyelids, fighting their way out, and wished he could say they were only from the bruises Malfoy gave him.  
Harry felt ashamed. Ashamed of forcing Malfoy to stay with him like that, ashamed of thinking for so long the other was giving him that cold treatment as a punishment. That Malfoy should live to serve Harry's expectations.  
That he didn't have his own scars.  
And underneath all that, Harry could hear Hermione’s words.  
What was he missing?  
'I hate you'  
He breathed hotly in Harry's collar, the tears staining Harry's shirt as the minutes passed by. Harry's arms were still wrapped around him in a strong grip, their legs tangled in a mess of limbs while Malfoy's hands still clutched at Harry's clothes without pushing him away.  
Harry opened his eyes slowly, the tears rolling down his cheeks and chin, landing on Malfoy's hair.  
'What do you want?' Malfoy said through gritted teeth, hitting Harry's ribs again.  
'Talk' Harry whispered, trying not to flinch away when Malfoy hit him again.  
'Let me go'  
'Why- why did you stop insulting me if you still hate me? Why start being polite like that all of a sudden?' He said quickly. Malfoy stilled in his arms.  
'Why do you care?'  
Harry didn't answer. He didn't have an answer after all.  
'I can go back to insulting you if that's what you want' he said, a hint of resentment in his voice.  
'No!'  
Malfoy breathed in deeply.  
'Let me go, Potter'  
He sounded so tired Harry considered him for a moment.  
'Please. Just… I need to understand something'  
Malfoy suddenly tensed in his arms and Harry remembered the way Ron had stared at him earlier when he said he didn't want to hurt Malfoy.  
'You don't want me to insult you'  
Harry's heart was hammering in his chest. The urge to run away and hide was too big.  
'You don't want me to-'  
'-ignore me' he blurted out, realizing what it meant.  
Malfoy moved in his arms - Harry unconsciously loosening his grip - and straightened his back so he could look Harry in the eye. Harry's arms fell to his side, the words echoing in his head. It couldn't be.  
Malfoy opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. It was new, seeing Malfoy speechless.  
Harry didn't know where to look. Malfoy's hair was unrulled, the trail of tears still shining on his cheeks, eyes blown wide in shock, cheeks slightly blushed.  
Harry's eyes landed on a small cut on his bottom lip.  
'You don't hate me'  
It wasn't a question. Harry shook his head all the same.  
'Potter-'  
'Episkey' Harry whispered, lifting his hand to trail Malfoy's bottom lip with his thumb, where the cut had just disappeared.  
Only then he noticed his wand was still on the floor. Malfoy's eyes were wide, the fact that Harry had just purposefully used wandless magic to such delicate spell giving a new dimension to his power.  
Yet, Draco didn't push him away in fear.  
'You fucked up freak' he whispered, the words lighter than they were supposed to be.  
As if the situation wasn't disturbing enough, Harry smiled. There was no turning back.  
'Do you really hate me?' He asked, closing his eyes again. Harry wasn't sure what he hoped to hear back.  
'I wish I still did. It'd be a lot easier'.  
He opened them again. Draco was still close enough he could reach out and touch his face if he wanted to.  
'So if you don't want me to hate you, nor ignore you'  
He was inching closer and Harry could swear his hands trembled a bit in his lap.  
'You want to be… friends? This is pretty ridiculous, Potter' Harry lifted his hand again, bringing it to Malfoy's neck, letting his fingers brush the purple marks.  
'Episkey' Malfoy flinched and Harry let his hand slide to his nape, threading his fingers in blond strands.  
'I guess that's not what I want' he whispered, heart hammering in his chest, lips suddenly dry, the need to get closer unbearable.  
'Will you stop with the Episkey shit? I still think you're an idiot'  
Harry closed the last inch between them, carefully pressing his lips on Malfoy's. They were chapped, hot and a bit salty from tears. When they moved, Harry's lips moved with them, angling Malfoy's head with the hand on his neck so he could deepen it.  
The silence was confiding, the warmth of Malfoy's body against his, insanely calming. Harry sucked at his bottom lip, experimenting with the sensation of the soft flesh between his teeth before taking the risk and brushing his tongue against it.  
Malfoy hummed, opening his mouth and, before Harry knew what was happening, the kiss had taken a completely different root. From slow and careful they went to something way hotter, tongues sliding against each other, teeth sinking into lips in desperate attempts for more.  
Malfoy pulled apart moments later, burying his face on Harry's shoulder while they tried to regain some air.  
'Is this what you want?'  
Harry brought his hand lower, resting it on Malfoy's lower back and slowly pulling him on top of him as Harry supported himself on the arm of the couch. Malfoy's face was still hidden on his neck and Harry could guess why.  
His whole body felt like it'd been set on fire.  
'Yes, that's it' Harry hugged him tightly, still a bit afraid that was a dream he would wake up any second.  
'I can't believe it, this is so fucked up. You're so fucked up'  
Knowing the truth was supposed to bring Harry peace of mind, he thought. He couldn't be more wrong.  
'Do you still want me to let you go?'  
Malfoy clicked his tongue, impatiently, continuing to hide his face.  
'Does it seem like I want to? How can you be this oblivious?'  
'I'm not!' Harry buried his hand in Malfoy's hair, pulling at it so they were face to face again. His cheeks were tinged in red, pupils blown wide in wariness and a touch of arouse, still lingering from their kiss. Harry brought their mouths together again, this time taking control and leading the whole thing to a hot mess while still trying to convey how he felt. What he wanted.  
His fingertips trailed the hem of silk, slipping underneath the shirt to find skin just as soft. Malfoy shuddered, his hands coming to stroke the hair at Harry's nape with tenderness, silently giving Harry permission to go further.  
So Harry did, pressing his palms on Draco's waist, possessively holding him in place so Harry could buck forward. Draco moaned against his lips and just as things were getting interesting, it was suddenly over.  
Harry was the one to pull away.  
'I… may be slow… to catch some things,' he panted, never turning his eyes away from Draco and making sure the boy was looking at him when he spoke. 'But I can learn' Harry dared kiss him again, just a rustle of lips this time. 'And I want to learn all that I can about you'  
There was hesitation in Draco's eyes, in the way his lips parted and brows furrowed, the way his fingers caressed where they touched Harry's skin and the blush in his cheeks deepened. He was leaning forward, what seemed like unconsciously, but Harry knew Draco's every movement were calculated. And suddenly it was like a magnetic field was building up between them, every second Draco took to bring them together the more intense the need to touch became.  
'Harry?'  
He was pushed down violently against the cushions so his head disappeared from whoever had just stepped in the room. Malfoy leveled his body almost immediately showing his head and torso, the front of the couch turned to the fireplace and hiding Harry and the lower part of Draco's body completely.  
Which was straddling him. Harry gulped, throat suddenly so dry it was hard to focus on anything else other than the fact that Malfoy was in his silk pajama pants and Harry in his cotton ones, the clothing so soft and thin Harry could feel warm thigh muscles pressing against his.  
'Oh, it's you'  
Harry cursed inside his head, recognizing the voice.  
'Clearly' Malfoy replied, coldly. Even if Ron hadn't spoke anything, Harry could've guessed it was him by the way Malfoy tensed all of a sudden.  
Silence stretched between than until it was almost unbearable for Harry to stay still until he heard Ron sigh loudly.  
'I need to- I want to apologize for what I did today'  
Malfoy tensed even further, if that was even possible. Ron didn't seem to notice but something in Harry's mind told him things could go incredibly wrong if Ron's next words weren't weighed properly.  
Triggers, the word resonated in his mind.  
And this time Harry had to stop it before it happened.  
'I don't like you, you don't like me and I don't expect that to change now. But for Harry... things have changed. A lot of things'  
Malfoy's face was impassive. His knuckles, white from clutching at Harry's shirt.  
'So if he wants to leave it all behind, and forgive you, I'm not going to get in his way'.  
Harry heard a footstep and guessed Ron had gotten closer. Harry knew Ron wouldn't do anything to hurt Malfoy, not after everything he'd just said.  
Thing was, even if Malfoy also did know that, his body didn't seem to. Harry could see how pale he looked even in the badly lit room and the way a thin layer of sweat covered his forehead.  
'Believe me, Malfoy, I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't have to. You and Harry need to talk. I don't care what you feel about him, I don't wanna know the reasons why you ignored him all this time when it was clear that all you wanted was to talk to him'  
'Shut up' Draco was trembling now, his voice so low it was almost a whisper.  
'No, you shut up' Harry heard another step. 'You think we don't see the way you look at him when he's not looking? The way you watch Harry from afar and everytime he looks at you, you pretend he doesn't exist?'  
Harry felt like his heart was going to come out of his mouth. Ron had to leave, now.  
'I don't know what sick pinning game you enjoy playing but Harry doesn't work like that. You're driving him insane! Just- just talk to him, yeah?'  
Once again that night, Harry felt like his brain had turned into mush.  
Malfoy had been watching him. All this time, he and Malfoy had craved the same thing and Harry had to hear it from Ron, of all people.  
Ron's footsteps up the stairs went for a minute until Harry heard the soft closing of the boys dorm.  
All this time, Draco didn't let out a word. His complex was still one of someone about to throw up or faint and Harry feared he'd end up doing both while still straddling his lap.  
'Malfoy?' The name felt like sand being forced out of his throat, his voice barely a whisper.  
Malfoy got up in a smooth movement, eyes never landing on Harry making something cold settle immediately on his stomach.  
'Malfoy' Harry got up, grabbing the other's hand in time before he could reach the stairs. The boy yanked it away, still not facing him, but Harry didn't waste a second, going for the same strategy as earlier.  
'Let me go!' Draco fought against his embrace, doing what he could to avoid looking him in the eye. In retaliation, Harry tightened the grip, burying his face in Draco's shoulder, feeling something hot roll down his cheek.  
'You're such an idiot' Harry whispered in his ear, placing a soft kiss there. Draco stilled, his breathing still too fast and tears staining both of their shirts. Harry kissed the place right beneath his ear, then the curve of his jaw. Draco sighed deeply, his hands no longer trying to push Harry away.  
'Such an idiot'  
'Fuck you' he whispered gently against Harry's hair, pulling him closer this time.  
'What, you thought I'd get pissed for finding out you were pinning over me?'  
'I wasn't pinning!' Harry felt a punch in his ribs and cursed, arms still wrapped around Malfoy.  
Instead of replying, Harry just tried to pull them towards the sofa again, this time purposefully letting Draco straddle his hips. Their lips met as soon as Harry's back pressed against a cushion, no more words needed to convey what needed to be said, at least for a while.  
Draco pulled away slowly, resting his forehead against Harry's for a moment.  
'I wasn't pinning' he said again, more seriously.  
'I was' Harry whispered, now sure that that was how it felt to wish Draco would notice him for so long.  
And then there it was, Draco with blown pupils and parted lips looking at Harry like he couldn't believe what Harry had just said, even less that he meant all of that.  
Their kiss was consuming this time and Harry felt it build everywhere in his body. It was different, now, as ridiculous as it seemed.  
To know he wasn't the only one craving all of that made him feel brave, allowed to show his need.  
Harry let his hands feel Draco's body.  
He grabbed his waist, slid his fingers beneath the silk, pressing his palms against the skin of his lower back and going lower.  
Draco ravished his mouth as Harry felt the soft texture beneath his digits, going past the band and finding Draco's underwear at the curve of his ass.  
Draco drew in a sharp breath when Harry squeezed it lightly, and then a second time, harder.  
When Draco moved, shuddering against him, Harry understood what he was trying to do, consciously or not.  
Draco pressed down, his cock aligned with Harry's, the hardness of them both enough to send shocks of pleasure up their spines even with the layers of clothes still between them. Harry moaned, the sound swallowed by Draco's mouth.  
It was maddening to think about what they were doing, there in the common room, the possibility of getting caught, as dangerous as it was, only adding to Harry's excitement.  
'Draco' he let it escape from his lips as soon as they parted for air. Draco moaned, pressing down hard and earning a needy sound from Harry.  
Draco did it again, closing his eyes and dropping his head on Harry's shoulder.  
Fuck, he was so close.  
Draco's eyes were still tightly shut, small moans escaping his lips with each thrust of his hips forward. Harry's mind was dizzy, his hands desperately pushing Draco's pants down to press his palms against the bare skin. Draco whimpered when Harry spread the cheeks apart, tentatively, and shuddered violently on top of him.  
That was when Harry felt the hotness inside Draco's pants wetting his own, his thrusts erratic. Harry was still painfully hard, the need to find his release dragging a desperate groan from his lips.  
'Draco, can you- can you-'  
Draco was still trying to catch his breath, his gaze fogged with blissful aftershocks. It took him a moment to realize what Harry was talking about, but as soon as he did, his cheeks turned an even darker shade of pink.  
'Oh' his eyes widened a bit, jumping from Harry's mouth to their hips. Harry didn't have to look down to know the whole length of his cock could be seen through his now wet pants. Draco's breathing sped up again as he lifted his hips enough to reach between them, going excruciatingly slow. Harry had to bit down hard on his lower lip to keep his voice down when he felt Draco's smooth fingers wrapping around his cock.  
He slid his palm up, brushing his thumb on the tip and smearing precome all over the skin. Harry fought to keep his eyes open, the desire to buck forward and lose himself in the sensation going against the need to watch Draco's face.  
For Harry it seemed like hours had passed before Draco finally started jerking him faster, eyes watching Harry's face every time he experimented with pressure and pace. Harry reached for Draco's neck, bringing him closer so their foreheads were pressed together.  
Harry's mind blanket as he came hard, thrusting on Draco's hand. With his eyes still closed, he brought their lips together.  
'We should probably go back to our beds' Draco's voice sounded distant, his head resting on Harry's chest moments later. Those were the last words Harry heard before drifting off to sleep.

 

***

 

Harry woke up to the soft smell of vanilla shampoo, blond strands of hair prickling his nostrils. Harry turned his head to the side, regretting his decision immediately as bright rays of sunlight hit him right in the face.  
What happened to his curtains? Harry opened his eyes slowly, taking in the large common room with a ridiculous amount of windows.  
And then suddenly remembering why he was there, with a sound asleep Draco Malfoy curled beside him.  
They'd ended up falling asleep, in the eighth year common room where literally anyone could have walked in. It was probably early, too early for anyone to have woken up already but Harry guessed they would, pretty soon.  
'Malfoy' He whispered, slowly bringing his hand to push the blond hair away from his sleepy face, and stopping immediately.  
It was almost as if Harry wasn't allowed to see that, that soft, vulnerable expression.  
Malfoy's lips were slightly parted, the skin tinged in red from Harry's bite marks, almost the color of his pinkish cheeks. His brows, usually furrowed in a twenty four-seven concerned look, formed no crease in between them, giving the Slytherin a younger appearance.  
'Draco' Harry called, softer this time.  
Draco groaned before opening his eyes, blinking a couple of times before focusing on Harry. And then widened in complete shock.  
'What-'  
'We fell asleep' Harry brought his thumb to Draco's cheek, tracing all the way to his bottom lip.  
'No shit'  
The blond tried to get up, taking a look around the room before looking back at Harry with a frown on his face.  
'What time is it?'  
'Early, I guess' Harry said, casually, also taking a look around.  
He felt weird, a good sort of weird. He didn't over analyze it much, it didn't matter after all.  
'Hey' he placed a hand on Draco’s thigh, bringing back his attention to him. Draco looked at him, puzzled. 'Good morning' Harry said, not minding to hide his contentment, propping himself on his elbows and stealing a kiss from Draco. He felt light headed, calmer than he had been in ages.  
Draco froze where he was and for a moment Harry thought the boy would get up and leave.  
Until Draco's hands came to rest on his cheeks, bringing their lips together again and Harry felt he would combust.  
'I need a strong coffee'  
Harry felt Draco smiling against his lips.  
'Will you seat with me?' His cheeks heated up as the words came out of his mouth. One of two: Draco would hit him or mock him.  
'This is too much' Draco pushed Harry away, dramatically before getting up. Harry could see how red his face was and smiled widely.

 

***

 

Despite sharing the same common room, students from different houses still had their separate dorms. So when Harry followed Draco upstairs, the Slytherin dorms located on one end of the corridor while the Gryffindor's were at the other, they parted with a rushed promise to meet later in front of the portrait downstairs.  
The smile wouldn't leave Harry's lips even as he opened the door, careful not to wake anyone inside.  
'Finally'  
Dean rolled out of his bed, still in his pajamas, and sent Harry an annoyed look before walking out of the room and into their bathroom.  
'Sorry, Harry. Dean is a bitch when he's hungry' Seamus sighed, getting up from his own bed and going for his trunk, ignoring Harry's mortified face.  
'What-'  
The bathroom door opened again and Ron walked into the room, clearly choosing to ignore Harry's presence even though his face was the color of his hair.  
Harry gasped at the scene in front of him. They knew, all of them knew he'd spent the night with Malfoy.  
'The Slytherins...' Harry thought loudly and Seamus gave him an apologizing look.  
'I think I heard Nott speaking with Zabini in the corridor an hour ago. Not sure if they chose to wait in their room or leave for breakfast earlier'  
Harry made a beeline for his trunk, picking his clothes without actually paying attention to it. He needed a shower, he decided, choosing to ignore Ron's awkward expression on his way to the bathroom. Inside, he chose a cabin far away from where Dean was and let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.  
How could he explain it to them? He didn't even know what exactly all that happened yesterday meant.  
He liked Malfoy, that was quite obvious to him now even though the thought still made his whole body feel funny.  
And Malfoy liked him. Shit, Malfoy liked him.  
The feeling that he would combust came full force again.  
Harry showered quickly, dressing up with his hair still wet and ran out of the bathroom. He couldn't stop thinking if Malfoy had came into the Slytherin dorm to find his classmates up and ready to confront him. Or worse, mock him.  
Harry didn't have to wonder for too long, though.  
'Potter'  
Draco's shirt was half unbuttoned when he stormed into the Gryffindor dorm. His hair, though completely dried, was almost as messy as Harry's, the locks curling at the end giving him an almost angelic look. That was, if one didn't consider he looked ready to kill someone.  
'Draco! Are you insane?! You can't-' Zabini shouted from outside, clearly having followed Draco all the way there.  
'Breakfast. NOW'.  
He grabbed Harry's hand, pulling him out of the room before he could even check if Ron was still alive or had dropped dead from a heart attack.  
'It's Potter we're talking about!'  
'ENOUGH' Draco stopped shortly, hand gripping Harry's tightly. He was shaking but his voice was steady when he spoke.  
'It's Potter. It's been bloody Potter, all along. Well, fuck it. We're having breakfast together and I'm gonna hold his fucking hand all the way to the great hall. And you,'  
Draco turned to Harry, furiously.  
'Are you such a shitty wizard that you can't even dry your hair properly?'  
Despite the harsh words, Draco's touch was delicate when his fingers ran through Harry's nape. He clicked his tongue before pointing his wand at Harry's head and drying it in an instant.  
It really didn't matter the fact Harry had most probably gone mental. He pulled Draco by the neck and gave him a hard kiss, before turning back to Zabini who seemed to be having a seizure.  
'Breakfast'  
He said, and stormed down the stairs, Draco's hand firmly holding his and making him feel more like a Gryffindor than ever before.

 

***


End file.
